Those Pathetic People
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Chris tries to get perky again the morning after he has to suspend Leslie and fire Ben, after seeing them kiss. But then Ron drops by to give support - and deliver a bit of news. Now with epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

For all of his 15-mile jogs, and all of the events he ran and swam in for charity, literally nothing had exhausted Chris Traeger more than the last 14 hours. To think it all started when he was finishing his warm up sprint inside City Hall for last night's late night jog, and saw….what he saw in the hallway. And then after Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt stopped kissing long enough to notice him, the most unpleasant final hour of a work day in Chris's life really got under way.

But as much as he hated being angry, and hated having to suspend the finest parks director he'd ever seen for two weeks…and hated having to fire his closest friend in government, they had made it quite necessary. It was one thing for Leslie to cheat on Tom and actually say that she loved Ben, and quite another for Ben to so quickly forget about that government employee he said he wanted to date weeks ago.

Yet somehow, they both knew about the interoffice dating policy and still decided to break it with other people, knowing full well what it would do to Pawnee's reputation. For the life of him, Chris couldn't get why Leslie had worked so hard to help restore the budget, Pawnee's stability and her department, only to put it all in danger again. And to drag poor Ben into it, and put him in the position of having to fire his friend….the whole thing was enough to only make him run six miles after Leslie and Ben left, and after the other parks employees kept visiting him to complain.

But now that he'd had his early morning run back into the office the next day, Chris felt confident again that this temporary ugliness would pass. He should be done cleaning up Leslie's mess by the time she came back, and by then, she'd be ready to put her happy face back on and work even harder to clean up the rest. Maybe he'd even ask her where Ben was then, so he could hear his apology and they could patch things up too.

Once he finished making those plans in his head, Chris was all smiles once again as he started looking through today's schedule. Leslie's temporary replacement would be here soon, and once he introduced him to the others, he was sure they'd put everything from last night behind them. They might even laugh about it the next time he invited them to one of his cookouts. That would certainly balance out all the calories he would gain when Ron brought his unhealthy, but sadly delicious, burgers there.

"Hello, Chris."

Chris looked up to see the owner of that distinctive voice, Ron Swanson himself.

For a moment, he thought about how he was the only one from the parks department not to visit him last night, or to object to what he had to do. But this was one time when Chris was glad that Ron was too grouchy to care about things- and since enough time had gone by, he could welcome him in like it was any other normal day.

"Ron Swanson! What brings you here so early on this fine morning?" Briefly, it occurred to Chris that Ron had never been by here this early before- or ever before, for that matter. But this wasn't the time for any suspicious, oogie thoughts like that now.

"I just wanted to assure you that I have no plans to give you a headache over yesterday's….personnel changes. I know the others gave you a hard time, but I for one, commend you on taking decisive action, and will leave you alone accordingly. Leslie did most of my job when she was here, and I have no doubt her replacement will do my job just as capably."

If anyone else had admitted to that kind of job performance, it might have made Chris raise an eyebrow. But that management style was what made Ron Ron- and at least ensured that he wouldn't compromise any government integrity. In any case, he was the first one to show him any support and understanding over this, so that bought him a much deserved pat on the back right there.

"Very good, Ron Swanson! You truly are the best director of the best parks department in all of Indiana!" Now that he was suitably relieved, Chris figured he could risk bringing up a troubling subject, since he knew he had support now. "Be sure to tell the others how sorry I am, and that I hope we'll all be friends again before work's over, okay?"

If Chris had studied Ron a little more closely- despite having come close to pat his back seconds earlier- he might have seen a tiny look of determination cross his constantly furrowed brow.

"I would if they were talking to me….or doing anything else, for that matter."

"Ah….I suppose all that yelling from last night, and all that they probably heard from Leslie and Ben, kept them up quite a bit last night. Well, you can go ahead and get them some nice cups of healthy coffee to perk them up, on me!"

"They seem to be awake just fine…in spite of sitting at their desks and doing absolutely nothing. But since they plan on doing nothing the entire day, that'll probably change before long."

At that, Chris felt that increasingly familiar lack of a smile on his face, as Ron went on.

"It's actually quite upsetting, since I thought they'd finally learned the glorious libertarian ways by not doing government work. In fact, there were many other people throughout the building who weren't working either, so that nearly gave me a half-semi. But unfortunately, it just turns out that my employees, and a few dozen other people who've worked with Leslie and Ben at one time or another, are refusing to work until Leslie's reinstated, and Ben's re-hired. Quite a letdown, really."

None of Chris's breathing techniques were coming to his mind right now, although he really could have used them right about now. But once he remembered to breathe, and was about to remember how to speak, Ron kept going.

"And if that wasn't enough, since everyone was doing nothing, I had to call and update the brass from Indianapolis myself! It made me almost as angry as they were by the time I finished. I even thought to myself how you made that dating policy to stop any scandals, but it wound up creating something much, much worse. I might have even said it out loud while I was on the phone, but I can't really remember right now."

Those were literally the worst combination of words that Chris had heard in a run-on sentence in some time. Yet Ron still seemed like he was trying to top it.

"But I calmed down after I hung up….since no one was making any noise outside my office, it was a lot easier. I don't know why it bothered me, since I don't care about any of it." Chris somehow had the strength to notice that Ron was staring right into his eyes as he made his next statement.

"Still, it's easy for me not to care about strikes, protests, outraged bosses, and people from other Pawnee institutions who aren't working either. But it's no sweat off my back to forget about destroying two people, just for finding happiness for once in their incredibly screwed-up lives."

Even at this dire time, Chris started to notice how….subtle Ron's words had become.

"Sadly, I know that isn't a luxury for everyone." Then for some strange reason- although strangeness was becoming the new normal in this office- Ron actually chuckled. "Sometimes I _almost _pity those pathetic people."

Chris was now starting to put some coherent thoughts together- a few of which were starting to reflect badly on Ron- before his phone started to ring.

"Well, I have a long and quiet day ahead, so I'll get to that now," Ron concluded over the ringing. "Good day, Christopher."

Once Ron walked out, Chris suddenly found himself with another unfamiliar desire- to walk extremely slowly towards his phone.

After Ron heard Chris pick up the phone, and begin the long process of getting chewed out, he finally made his way down the hall. If those who weren't working today had used their new free time to look at him – and if those who didn't work, and didn't know Leslie or Ben had bothered to notice Ron – they might have seen an incredibly small smile behind his mustache. But perhaps they also might have noticed that it was taking more effort than Ron had ever used inside City Hall to keep it from getting wider.

He almost let it get bigger when he realized that once Leslie returned tomorrow, he could probably get her to forget about 50 of the 100 favors he still owed her. In fact, considering all of those phone calls, all of that contact with the others outside of work, and all of those ungodly talks with citizens, this probably earned him at least 75 canceled favors.

In fact, assuming that he could catch Ben away from Leslie's office tomorrow, he could start a tab on favors that he owed Ron as well.

Assuming that catching him out of her office would be possible now.


	2. No Longer Pathetic

It took about 15 minutes of yelling from Indianapolis before Chris agreed to give in to the Pawnee protests, before their message got beyond the town. After that, it took 200 push-ups before Chris could figure out how to break the news in a way that he could live with, then 10 more minutes to tell the parks department, and another half hour before everyone else got back to work. Following that, it took several more minutes for Chris to get to Leslie's house and tell her and Ben the good news – then seven minutes for Leslie to calm down and hear him out.

On the next day, it took about an hour for the two to receive all their welcome backs at work – and Ron spent about half that time avoiding Leslie's thank-you hugs. But after all the office and Snakehole parties on that day, Leslie and Ben had to spend much of the next two days working out their compromise with Chris.

Despite how this incident diminished Chris's standing back in Indianapolis, the bosses still agreed that he had to ensure the new couple wouldn't compromise Pawnee's integrity. As such, they worked out how much physical contact was allowed at work, and that not even a trace of favoritism would go into Ben's dealings with the parks department.

He would actually have to turn down some of Leslie's ideas and plans once in a while, in spite of the different levels of Hell that might mean for both of them. But considering the level of Hell they were in for a night and a morning/mid-afternoon days earlier, they knew they couldn't risk that again. Everyone refusing to work, and using Ron as a "reluctant" secret weapon, could only work once.

So when the final rules were settled, the couple was eager to run out of Chris's office as fast as he usually did. But Chris just had to insist on a final review of every point, so that nothing was misunderstood. Since Leslie didn't want to be in there any longer than she had to- and barely even for that long- Ben volunteered to stick around instead.

But Chris already knew that both of them had everything drilled into their brain by now. Although it couldn't technically hurt for Ben to remember one more time, he was just looking for an opening for….another kind of review.

Having been lied to for this long by Ben and Leslie, and then having so many city employees turn against him anyway, truly stung. No one would have expected that anything could sting Chris Traeger, but this compromised an entirely different kind of microchip in him. In fact, he almost felt like taking his first angry night jog once Leslie finally got him out of her house.

Yet after the hubbub finally died down, and he had gotten enough distance from that awful day, that old positive energy started to make a comeback. Now that the crisis was over, and could be put in a proper context, it was just a tiny bit easier to admire what had happened here. The fact that his friend….or whatever he was now…..could have been lifted up like this by love was extraordinary, even if it wasn't with an ethically acceptable person. And that they had friends and supporters that did so much to bring them back- even if they threw him under the bus to do it- showed the kind of initiative, teamwork and camaraderie that should be in every aspect of government. Leaving aside a few ugly details.

Since Leslie was in no mood to hear these kinds of conflicted feelings from Chris, perhaps Ben would owe him just one more professional courtesy to hear him out.

"Well, I think we've reached a suitably professional compromise, under the circumstances. Just goes to show that you can do anything if you try!" Chris tried to ease into things in his more traditional style, although he sensed Ben wasn't in the best state of mind for it. So he tried to move in a different direction.

"And it goes to show that once you're willing to try….even if you go through some rather regrettable periods first….then everything will work out."

That clever part in the middle seemed to soften Ben's scowl for a little while, so Chris figured he should take advantage while he could.

"I took absolutely no joy in my….decisions, even though we both know I was within my rights to do it. But there were more tactful and less rash means for me to handle it, and I didn't think to take them. I know you'll probably hold that against me for a while, but I truly hope that it won't affect our professional relationship….and any others that were impacted….for an extended period of time."

"And I hope you know how truly overjoyed I am for you...when I leave aside some of the means that got you there."

With that, Ben finally stopped calculating when he could finally leave the office, and took in account what his….boss had said. Mainly because it resembled some of the thoughts he had recently, when he wasn't on a Leslie high. Those moments had been few and far between for months, and especially in the last week, but he still had 5-10% of his rational brain left.

There was no way he was going to do anything but work professionally with Chris for a while, especially if Leslie was even 50 feet away from them. He really shouldn't share what he was thinking of, but this was probably the last chance he'd give himself to do this for a long time. One last burst of self-reflection, and a bit of ugly thinking, before the light won out in Ben Wyatt for good.

"You know, I may not have been as vocal about it as Leslie was, but it was hard for me not to hate you. It was hard when I had to hide what I felt, and it was especially hard….after I let those feelings out for anyone to see. But once I finished thinking all those hateful thoughts, I had one more big doozy that topped them all. But it wasn't about hating you, exactly."

Chris was now at the edge of his seat to find out what he meant. So Ben vocalized the one nagging thought about this whole mess that he couldn't share with Leslie – and could only start accepting himself yesterday.

"If I was in your position, and this happened before May of last year…I would have done the exact same thing, in the exact same way, without a second thought. And I don't think even the great Ron Swanson could have made me cave in at the end."

As oblivious as Chris could be, even he seemed to have a look of understanding and recognition about that.

For all the times that Ben cursed out Chris in the last month- before and during his half-day firing- enough time had gone by for him to lay off a little. For all that Chris did to make his and Leslie's lives difficult, Ben could now remember that it wasn't done with a malicious, knowing, or hateful intention in his body. It came from a place of ethics, care for the reputation of Pawnee, and professionalism- not under a cloud of bitterness from his past or present life. It even allowed Chris to put aside how much he was truly humiliated and embarrassed, and try to support his former targets anyway.

Nothing remotely resembling those feelings would have crossed Ben's mind, if he was in Chris's shoes. At least before May of last year.

But now he was no longer one of those….pathetic people, as Ron apparently called them. Chris never was really one of them, which was a bit easier to remember now. But Ben knew that save for the grace of Leslie Knope, he himself could have remained far worse.

Yet although he could start to soften towards Chris now, he still couldn't forget about this quite yet. Although Chris would be back to his sunny, positive, overly friendly self in no time, Ben would always know that he didn't always use it the right way. In fact, there was only one person he knew in the world who could use those qualities in the right way- and he would now be by her side, in public and otherwise, to see her do it every single day. For all of Chris's talents, he would probably never be rewarded for them like that, even if it still seemed unreal to Ben that he could get those rewards himself.

Now that he got to reflect on the dark times beforehand, for the last time, Chris and those other bad memories would have to be a thing of the past for now.

"Look, we both have a lot of things to focus on now. But maybe when enough time goes by, and Leslie is down to insulting you only once or twice a day, we can have the kind of working relationship….and otherwise….we had before May of last year. But I'd like to have time to follow our new rules to the letter first."

Despite not having a talent for always saying the right thing, Ben seemed to be getting better lately, thanks to some obvious inspiration. That was evidenced when Chris gave a slow smile that ultimately resembled his usual goofy grin.

"That is literally the best idea we've agreed to this week. Way to save the best for last, Ben Wyatt!"

There it was. The most obvious sign that things were pretty much back to normal.

But the minute that Ben left the office, the most obvious sign of how things were better than normal ran up into his arms- in between countless questions about what Mean Chris subjected him to.

Yet Ben briefly looked back to see Mean Chris give one of his smaller smiles- but somehow one of his most genuine- before Leslie dragged him far enough away.

That was officially the last bit of closure Ben needed, when it came to the darker parts of his and Leslie's origin story.

At least when Ron wasn't reminding him of all the favors he now owed him.


End file.
